Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
