I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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