Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
