if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Someone signed my nipple.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
