nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
