It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
