I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize