She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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