here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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