yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
