I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
