Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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