Cold hands, warm shart.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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