They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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