you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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