don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
