The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
