Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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