last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
