i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
