you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
