i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
