Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
