Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
