Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
