He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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