Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
im on a boat
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