And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
