I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
