Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
