i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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