Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize