If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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