What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
