Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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