You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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