I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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