the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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