I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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