grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
