Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
