I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
