xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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