Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
