just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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