If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize