I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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