Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
