3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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