I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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