and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
