11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
