so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize