$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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