420 ftw
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
