We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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