I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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