You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
