So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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