Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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