i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
