You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
