Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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