Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
