Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
