I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
