I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
