Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
