Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
