I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I AM VODKA MAN
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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