He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
