I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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