Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
