Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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