whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
