You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
