no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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