I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
