My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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