seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
