ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
