Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
