In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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